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  1. #1
    (yes i know) Rupert's Avatar
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    The 5 questions most feared by men

    The 5 questions most feared by men

    1. What are you thinking about?
    2. Do you love me?
    3. Do I look fat in this?
    4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
    5. What would you do if I died?

    What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.

    Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

    The proper answer to this, of course, is : " I am sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

    a. Football
    b. Poker
    c. How fat you are
    d. How much prettier she is than you
    e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

    Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

    Question # 2: Do you love me?

    The proper response is : "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

    Inappropriate responses include:

    a. Oh yeah, **** loads.
    b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
    c. That depends on what you mean by love.
    d. Does it matter?
    e. Who, me?

    Question # 3: Do I look fat?

    The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

    Incorrect answers are:

    a. Compared to what?
    b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
    c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
    d. I've seen fatter.
    e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

    Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

    Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

    Incorrect responses include:

    a. Yes, but you have a better personality
    b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
    c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
    d. Define pretty
    e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

    Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

    A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").

    No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

    WOMAN: Would you get married again?

    MAN: Definitely not!

    WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

    MAN: Of course I do.

    WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

    MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

    WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

    MAN: (makes audible groan)

    WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

    MAN: Where else would we sleep?

    WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures
    of her?

    MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

    WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

    MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

    WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

    MAN: ****!!

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  2. #2
    Do not feed the moose Baroness's Avatar
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    It's all true, of course. I feel sorry for men sometimes.

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  3. #3
    Biskitty Ryvita's Avatar
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    Old, but oh so true.

    True answers to question 1 should probably be altered for the target audience though.

    "What are you thinking about?" The true answer:

    a) WoW
    b) Upgrading my graphics card
    c) Spore
    d) etc...

    Ryv

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  4. #4
    Drunk Big Giant Head's Avatar
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    damnit I think I've used 2a

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  5. #5
    Sex Switch`'s Avatar
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    1.
    a. tonights Molten Core Run.
    b. not being at e3.
    c. <random US TV show> out tonight on Bit Torrent.
    d. how to spend next months wages on PC bits and not on dinner.
    e. must hide the CC bill with the Suicide Girls Subscription on it...

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  6. #6
    A.L.I.C.E Based NPC GreyDeath's Avatar
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    What are you thinking about?



    its always the same thing

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  7. #7
    realist Bootz's Avatar
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    women suck.

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  8. #8
    Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bootz
    women suck.
    I think thats why we stick with them.

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  9. #9
    HOT DICKINGS! Aardvark's Avatar
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    I generally go with something offensive.

    Btw Bootz, I see you stopped going to the gym?

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  10. #10
    EVE player
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    I generally find a 'sorry were you talking to me' gets me out of most casual questions. If the questioner is determined however, i get the spade out and start digging.

    Oh and Baroness, we may be unable to answer questions without being wrong all the time, but the fact that we can pee standing up, and are allowed to fart in public means a lot more to me.

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